Ever Fallen in Love with Someone
by Just G
Summary: A collection of short pieces about a man and a woman. I don't have to tell you who.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, just some clothes, a TV, a few Funkadelic, Marvin Gaye and Chris Isaak albums.

A/N This is first things I've written in 8 months, so forgive the rustiness. Just a collection of short

pieces on you know what and you know whom.

I should really do these in chronological order but I've just been jotting down stuff as and

when they come to me. Enjoy ( hopefully )

**Ever Fallen in Love with Someone**

Tease

Barney Stinson liked to tease. No let me correct that. Barney Stinson loved to tease. Friends, colleagues, children and old people, especially old people. In fact just about anybody. He didn't care, he just really loved to tease.

So what was this feeling every time he teased her. Every little joke he'd make at her expense, every little wink, every suggestion.

And oh boy, when they both teased Ted, he became positively giddy. This was not the giddiness a grown man should exhibit, this was positively child like. Sure on the outside he would try to remain cool, adult-like even but it wouldn't take long before he broke down like a three year old. But inside, that unexplainable feeling would be there again. Tenfold.

Amidst all the laughs, this feeling really did start to puzzle him. Was this natural?

He consulted numerous medical encyclopedias. Watched countless episodes of Scrubs, Quincy and ER. He never got any closer to the answer, the only realisation he made was that George Clooney didn't have a patch on Barney Stinson. No accounting for taste he figured.

Well if the world had not yet acknowledge the existence of this condition, he, Barney Stinson would take it upon himself to enlighten them.

**BARNESIUS SYNDROME**

Symptoms: Light headedness, increased heart rate, uncontrollable laughter and strange

unexplained feeling*.

Cause: An overflow of awesomeness in the main ventricles. Often but not solely associated

with certain instances of teasing ( one or more parties may be involved ).

Prevention/Cure: No cure needed ( You're awesome ). Others should seek medical advice.

**ADDENDUM 1** - This condition may be caused by feelings ( Ugh ).

**ADDENDUM 2** - Condition diagnosed.

**YOU'RE IN LOVE, YOU FOOL!**

* This feeling will be hereby known as Stinsonous acuticus. ( Trademark pending )


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still don't own any of these characters

**Ever Fallen in Love with Someone**

Crunching Data

He sat at his office desk, everything would usually be neat an ordered. Today his desk was a mess. Crumpled paper was scattered around his office floor. He furiously wrote on his notepad. A calculator had been discarded, thrown against the far wall of his office. Its electronic guts lay everywhere, like the victim of some gruesome attack.

He stopped writing. Consulted the calendar in his hand. He let out an anguished moan, ripped up the page he was working on, rolled it into a ball and hurled it against the office door.

He sat motionless, staring into space. A new resolve arose within him. He looked around the desk at the chaos. Calmly he arranged the five calendars into order. He mumbled words of encouragement to himself, picked up his pen and once again stated scribbling away. The page was soon filled with numbers and symbols like a car crash of hieroglyphs that even Einstein could not comprehend.

He stopped and let out a sigh, this time a sigh of contentment. He composed himself and picked up his phone.

He dialled a number, awaiting a response. He began talking.

" Yes I'd like to buy sixteen hundred and forty roses please. Yes you heard right, sixteen hundred and forty, that's 1..6...4...0. Mainly red and some white," a sly thought crossed his mind "maybe some of those blue ones you can get as well. No, no scrub that, just the red and white ones". Suddenly a puzzled look spread across his face, "I will have to call you back," a pause followed "No this is most certainly not a hoax. Good day."

"Leap years. Did I include leap years?" He started pouring over the numbers again. He had to get this right.

* * *

**A/N** The number of the roses is just a guess, I just used the period of Miracles ( S3 ) til Series 8 as a timeframe although I'm sure he felt it long before.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Doubt I ever will.

**Ever Fallen in Love with Someone**

Ties

He looked at the tie in his hand. It was Black, slim, understated but classic. Not only did it look great but it felt great also. Pure silk. He smiled. Thoughts played across his mind.

He was sure he'd picked the right one. He looked at the chest of drawers that were home to his other ties. A lifetimes collection of ties. There were different lengths, sizes, colours, patterns. Several bow ties also. A man could easily get lost in that many ties. A man could enjoy wearing a different tie every day. Heck maybe even two or three. Suddenly all those ties seemed appealing. They just seemed right, almost instinctive. He stood staring at them, unable to break the hold they had on him.

Unconsciously his thumb moved across the tie in his hand. The feel of the silk felt so good. It released him from the spell he had fallen under. Once again he looked at the tie, he considered it carefully. It was smart, it was sharp, it was classy. And if a tie could ever be sexy, well then this tie won hands down. No doubt. If a man could only have one tie, just one tie... for eternity, this tie was the definite choice. It wasn't about about science or logic or fashion, it was just knowing.

He turned to face the mirror, placing the tie around his neck.

"I'm getting married", a tiny smile crept upon his face. He finished doing up his tie. "It's a great tie. The best".

* * *

He went to close the drawers his ties sat in. He gave them all one last look. It was a strange almost melancholic moment. His eyes rested on a black and grey one. "Oh what the hell". He picked it up and put it in his jacket pocket. He closed the drawers, turned and left the room.

**A/N ** I included the last paragraph to be in keeping with the show. I didn't want to but I guess you can include it or not. I probably got the ties the wrong way round anyhow.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Just borrowing them.

This is just a little imagined story that occurs after the series 4 episode Benefits. Enjoy.

**Ever Fallen in Love with Someone**

Creative Accounting

Barney was sat in his accountants office. It was their monthly meeting. If it wasn't for the large retainer Barney paid him, the accountant would have ended their relationship long ago. Barney Stinson's accountant had to be creative. As did his lawyer and all the other guys, who took care of this, that and the next thing on his behalf.

As his accountant studied the paper upon his desk, Barney considered the man. Grey suit, grey man, grey life. That wasn't going to be him. Not now, not ever. His eyes casually moved to the pictures on the wall. All the usual stuff. Family, friends, pets and golf. Blah, golf he thought. Why does anyone one play golf. He had no need. He could get a hole in one every night. Mental high five.

He didn't envy the guy. Yet the man always seemed content. Barney could not fathom this. This guy was the antithesis of him, in every way possible. This guy was a warning from the future. This guy was Ted, twenty years from now. God, this was Ted five years from now, maybe even now. A strange feeling arose in Barney, almost one of jealousy but before it had time to settle his mind had swatted it away.

"Well Mr Stinson. I think I can come up with something to explain the four TV's you purchased".

"That's why you're my guy". Barney tried to muster genuine enthusiasm but in reality he was bored. This was dull, dull, dull. Didn't he pay the guy, and handsomely, to take care of these issues.

"I just don't know how I will explain Thursday20th".

"Thursday 20th?" Barney looked puzzle.

"Yes. You made some. How can I put it. Strange purchases". He picked up a sheet of paper. Barney noted it was a list.

"One. Cleaning products". We don't need to worry about those. Somehow we'll call them office supplies". There was a moments silence before the man spoke again.

"Two". The man cleared his throat, casting a quick glance at Barney. "Ten thousand stamps". It was more a question than a statement.

"Oh those. Just supporting those fine men and women who deliver the mail. Come rain or shine. It gets me right here". Barney put his hand to his chest. "Think of it as a donation to the government".

"You must be planning on writing a lot of letters".

"Nah. I gave them to a frien...". He stopped mid word. "A neighbour. Just an old guy. Bit boring, likes talking about buildings and old pennies. I figured he'd like them".

"We'll just call it business use. Although I don't think we can use that to explain twenty four gallons of milk.

"Oh that's simple. For my co-workers. I worry they're not getting enough protein and calcium. Just looking after their well being".

"Ehm, ok. So you got them delivered to your workplace. We could call it employee benefits ". Barney suppressed a chuckle as he watched the man's anguished.

"Nah. Gave them to the old guy". I worry about his bones. You know at his age and considering how boring he is". The man let out a sigh.

"Don't worry I'll figure something out".

"Like I said, that's why you're my guy". Barney gave him the full GNB smile.

"Last item Mr Stinson. A dishwasher".

"Oh. I bought that for the office. Just didn't realise they already had three. I gave it away".

"Let me guess. Your neighbour?"

"Yep. I wonder if the poor old sods even figured out what it is yet".

"Well that was an eventful Thursday Mr Stinson. For you, your neighbour and your wallet". He lifted a folder from his desk. A small piece of paper fell from the folder, landing in front of the man. He picked it up and inspected it. "Sorry I must have overlooked this. But don't worry. Simple business dinner, although not quite your usual expensive tastes".

Barney tried to cast his mind back. "May I?" he held out his hand. The man handed the piece of paper over. It was a receipt.

**2 x Tacos**

**2 x Large Fries**

**2 x Large Cola**

"You don't have to bother with this", he opened the wallet and carefully put the receipt inside.

"Are you sure Mr Stinson. It really wouldn't be an issue".

"No. Honestly" He wasn't sure if what he said next was merely in his head or spoke out aloud. "It's Priceless".


End file.
